Why Women Like Me Are Leaving Dating Apps for Good
The Truth About Dating App Safety
The following story is an opinion piece regarding the danger of using online dating services and dating apps told via personal experience and backed by data.
Disenchanted. Wise. Or traumatized. These are the real reasons why women are walking away from dating apps for good. As companies like the Match Group continue to claim their products are safe, the experiences of women everywhere tell a much different story.
The Dating App — What’s It Really Good For?
Most online daters employ dating apps like Tinder, OkCupid, or one of many of Match Group’s branded products, to meet a potential mate. Online daters rightly assume that dating apps are designed to introduce them to love interests they may not otherwise meet.
But that’s not what online dating services or their apps are designed to do. As more and more people are discovering, dating apps are designed for the profit of the business owners and shareholders.
Of course, that’s not what Match Group and similar dating service providers are selling us, as evidenced by their advertising. Match Group is not in the business of creating happily-ever-after unions, rather they are a technology company in the business of selling products. And business in the pandemic is booming.
The Story Behind My Story
There have been multiple stories told about dating app safety, but it wasn’t until I recently watched this 2019 investigative report that I felt compelled to share my personal experiences using Match’s services and apps.
For me, it seemed as though the general public didn’t seem to care much about the safety of using dating apps. Yet, one study revealed that nearly half of Americans believe that online dating is unsafe.
After recent months of extensive research I have not found a substantial, singular mass media distributed publication that provides data sourced evidence of a link between online dating and subsequent user experiences of violent crime.
I, and countless others, know the dangers of using dating apps. But as the Pew study revealed, it is women in particular- whether experienced or unexperienced in dating online — who know that online dating is unsafe.
One may conclude from research or from personal knowledge, women’s experiences continue to be dismissed and the general public just doesn’t seem to care.
The Hidden Pros and the Blatant Cons of Online Dating
Hm. How has online dating benefited me… hm… hang on…a few dinners, some free drinks, and a reason to love myself more than any person I have ever met online possibly could. Clearly, choosing singlehood is a wise choice given women’s options.
Some could call sour grapes, without knowing me. I can only imagine the slurs or prejudiced rants my opinions might incite…
Some boring, old bitch — it ain’t because she can’t find a good man — it’s because she don’t know how to keep one! (By my imaginary and unworthy opponent, Bob. )
Let’s Talk About Bob: A True Horror Story
I’ve never met Bob personally. Thank god. I hope I would have swiped left had I come across him, unlike the victims who Bob met using dating apps like Tinder.
Today, Bob is at home awaiting trial for the 2015 first degree murder of his wife. Local news reported last summer that Bob had been using online dating apps to lure women into his home after his arrest in 2018. The trial is expected to begin late March, 2021.
As the years pass, Covid related issues are cited as being one cause of the delay in the trial of Bob, who’s apparently spent these years keeping himself busy online. And as shared with me privately, just days ago, Bob was found actively searching for dates on Tinder.
Because Bob is presumed innocent, I will not share the source behind his recent online activity. Furthermore, without intimate knowledge I will not offer an opinion as to Bob’s innocence or guilt in the murder of his wife.
But what I do know is that Tinder gave Bob access to women he would never otherwise have met given he was at home on house arrest.
Like Bob’s victims, many women know through experience what dating during the pandemic entails. Read more here about dating online in the pandemic.
References
Anderson, M., Vogels, E. A., & Turner, E. (2020, February 6). The Virtues and Downsides of Online Dating. Pew Research Center: Internet, Science & Tech. https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2020/02/06/the-virtues-and-downsides-of-online-dating/
Carman, A. (2019, December 2). Would background checks make dating apps safer? The Verge. https://www.theverge.com/2019/12/2/20991656/match-group-dating-apps-identity-tinder-hinge-background-check
Match Group. (2020, August). Match Group Business Overview August 2020. https://s22.q4cdn.com/279430125/files/doc_downloads/2020/Match-Group-Business-Overview-August-2020-vF.pdf
Mcleod, S. (2020, December 29). Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Simply Psychology. https://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html#gsc.tab=0
Owens, J. C. (2020, August 5). Pandemic has boosted online dating, sending Match Group stock surging. MarketWatch. https://www.marketwatch.com/story/pandemic-has-boosted-online-dating-match-group-earnings-show-2020-08-04
PBS News Hour. (2019, June 29). Why we often don’t believe women who report sexual assault. https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/why-we-often-dont-believe-women-who-report-sexual-assault
